If Jeff Foxworthy liked Comics...
Laugh at yourself
One of the funniest bits in the comic world was Jeff Foxworthy's musings on southern life. He came up with a bit where he told funny qualities of Southerners that he says he actually observed many times. Well, comic book people are another group that has unusual norms that outsiders may find humorous. Here are a few observations of comic book hobbyists that I have heard from the personal experiences of peers. Maybe readers know of someone like this. (Names have been omitted to protect the innocent.)
You may be a comic book collector if...
- You see a young kid tear into the box of a toy and think his parents are not raising him right...
- You can remember the issue number for the first appearance of Mephisto but not your spouse's cell phone number...
- You looked into the mirror and said "I am Batman"...
- You believe political debates are not important but spent hours arguing if Batman really could take Superman in a fight...
- Your wife asks you to pick out something sexy for your anniversary and you buy her a Harley Quinn costume...
- You talked your younger sibling into jumping off the roof because he was wearing a Superman shirt...
- You knocked over a young kid to make sure you get the last copy of an issue on Free Comic Day...
- You Spent more on a comic book that week than you did for your wife's birthday gift, for the second year in a row...
- You called in sick to work to pick up a very hot issue but can't guarantee you'd stay home with your sick child...
- You consider a mixed marriage a union between a DC Comics and Marvel fan...
- You opened the door at a comic convention without looking and you almost hit a member of the MCU in the face...um just me?
- You saw three screenings in a row of 'Avengers: Endgame' on the first day, so when you went to the restroom your feet fell asleep - causing you to collapse to the floor as you opened the stall door...
- You have gone to a store and asked if they have adult sizes of kid's shirts...
- Talked during a movie about how the scene was not true to the comics and, as the large guy in front of you questioned who said that, you turned and pointed to the guy a few rows behind you - causing a slight altercation between the two...
- You got into an actual physical fight questioning how Superman knows where to go when he is flying: GPS in-suit or he is like a racing pigeon? (Seriously, anyone?)
- You got caught in class with what the teacher thought was a Playboy in your textbook but it was actually a copy of Uncanny X-Men...
- You suffer from long box knees and actually had to see a physician for it...
- You made a fire escape plan for your comics but did not include one for your spouse and children...
- You found yourself in a honeywagon with Zack Snyder, who was talking with his team about the next day's shoot involving Batman and you got so excited that you ended up washing your hands for longer than any surgeon ever has done...um just me then?
Tale of comic book revenge
GoCollect has reported a couple times on the "ex-girlfriend copy" of Amazing Spider-Man #14. It involves a friend who was stalked by another friend who liked comics. The theme is do not mess with the wrong people or one's collection could pay the price. Here is another tale that this journalist actually was involved in decades ago...
A tale called, "Don't Tick off the Girlfriend," or "Why Comic Book Store Owners are Grumpy."
Years ago, there was a comic book store that was a bike ride away from me. Online shopping wasn't a thing yet, nor were there a lot of stores in the community. One has to basically accept the local comic shop in the area or collect baseball cards instead.
The store within riding distance was owned by a guy who dedicated half his storefront to comics. They were part of the owner's and his brother's collection. The owner was in charge of selling them. He also ordered new comics to keep the funds coming, but he had no real interest in books. The owner had even less interest in the customers.
One day, his employee did not show up, so the owner called up his girlfriend and asked her to work. It was on a Thursday morning, so most people who could drive picked up their books on the rainy Wednesday, but not the middle schoolers who had to ride bikes. No one was happy that day, least of all the owner and his girlfriend. Needless to say, they got into a fight and I think he called her a stupid witch. In fact, he said the only people dumber than her were the brats who bought comics for the prices he could sell them for because they had nowhere else to go.
He then proceeded to yell at her that she was again dumber than dirt and that if she wanted to know what each comic was worth just look at the cover and take off 20%. Even a trained chimp could follow those instructions he retorted as he left the building. She then told him that he was number one in her eyes with a gentle wave of her hand. Ah, young love was in the air.
That was the last day we ever saw the most beautiful woman ever to grace that shop. There was another woman who worked there, but I think she was the owner's mom. The girlfriend, though, was prettier than Poison Ivy. I guess she really liked the owner because she went right to work.
Oh, and she did exactly as he told her. She knew what wall books were but followed his instructions to the letter. Books with $.12 covers were reduced by 20% and then sold to those people who wanted them even when the group tried to explain she would get in trouble. She was my hero.
When all the customers were rung up she locked the doors and left him a message of where he could go. That day, I actually found out there was really a Hell, Michigan. I think he learned that day to treat his girlfriends nicer and be respectful to his customers. As children, we all learned a lesson that stuck with many who either were there that day or heard the story later. The true revelation was never to let a girlfriend know where the good books are in your collection!
Confessions made of actual buying tricks
These are actually tales told to me of things buyers have done to purchase books. The buyers said that, in the hobby, they either have to know more or work harder to get an edge. These individuals went the other way and worked crazier.
- A buyer pretended to talk to himself so that other buyers would stay away from the books he was looking at at a convention.
- Another buyer who would go to his LCS after working out so that people would give him space.
- The buyer who sent his younger brother (14 years old) to do his bidding and got a great deal on a very iconic book. I really felt bad after that day. I mean the buyer did feel bad...
- The buyer who sent his attractive girlfriend to buy books knowing the owner would give her a better deal than he would ever receive.
- The buyer who was banned from an LCS for offering to buy books from a mother whose deceased son passed away and the owner was lowballing her. I mean, collection of Amazing Spider-Man from #12-40 and he offered only $100. The first book alone was worth $400. I miss that store.
- The buyer who did not use GoCollect before he attended a convention and thus had to run outside and back to the booths several times a day because of poor wifi connection. He should have worn better shoes. It should be noted he was wearing a Flash shirt.
Extras are more powerful than Batman?
Movie extras are always trying to get in good shots. Comic fans who are cast as extras want in even more. They realize that even major stars could have their scenes cut so they believe the more chances they get the better their odds. Extras must realize sometimes it is just the luck of the draw. The same as having Bruce Wayne lean against your car because he just ran down the street a few times for one shot and needed somewhere to rest (I really saved Batman and Affleck is a good guy). Two extras should have realized that but did not.
In the scene where Bruce Wayne is running down the street, the two extras appear running 10 yards behind the hero. The next shot they appear running 15 yards in front of him. They can be picked out because of the unique shade of their jackets that stick out like sore thumbs. The two were faster than Batman! Needless to say, they were both cut from the final edit. The extra who saved Batman heard one of the production crew laugh and say who did they think there were...the Flash? I guess they didn't realize that role was already cast. The extra who saved Batman was then asked to leave the front of the truck because they were working...I guess saving Bruce Wayne will only get one so far.
Final thoughts
Comic book collecting can be fun. That element should never be forgotten. It is what makes this hobby truly great. The GoCollect team would really like to hear any really crazy or funny stories our readers have they wish to share. No names. No pictures. Just good clean fun.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a major workout I need to conduct before I head out to my local comic book shop. Feel bad because I think I forgot my deodorant. Oh well, what can I do?
